My mother..My Pain

Ok..so like I said in previous post, I am using this blog as a sounding wall. I think the only way that I can talk this out is if I write it here. Hard to talk to most people because they don't understand.

Mom has started up with her letters again. She said that she doesn't understand why I never come around when she never does anything but try to be a good mother to me. She said that she doesn't understand why I have to be so hateful and say horrible things about her to her grandkids. She said that I am always quick to forgive my dad for everything that he done but that I never can forgive her. So I responded back..told her that I don't come around because I am tired of having her constantly remind me about the things that dad done. Told her that what I say to my kids is my business and she has no right to tell me what I can talk about with them and what I can't. She accused me of saying all kinds of things that I have never said. She sees things in her own screwed up mind and to her, there is no other way. I told her that she needs to start taking her medicine again and she went off the deep end. Said that I wont be happy unless she is asleep all the time because thats what the medicine does to her.

I tried to talk to her last night..told her that I don't know what else to do or say to her. Asked her to please just stop because I can't take anymore. When I left her last night, everything seemed to be ok. She called me this morning and told me there were some papers at the house that she needed me to take care of. She wanted me to come over on my lunch to get them (while she was at work). Well, I decided to go by this morning instead and much to my surprise (sarcasm) there was a letter waiting for me. Telling me once again what a horrible person that I am and how I treat her so badly. She was there and and didnt see me ready the letter, she assumed that I wouldn't get it until we were not together. There she was in the bathroom talling thru the door to me like everything was just wonderful. So I walked out of the house and was getting on my bike when she came outside and said "leaving already?" and then she saw the letter in my hand and started crying and once again it was all about the pitty party. I told her I was leaving and when she decides to grow up and take her medicine she could call me. And I left.

I have decided at this time that I will NOT respond anymore. I will pay her bills and send her the cash thats left over and she can have Bob or someone take her to the store. I am sooo tired of dealing with all the drama. My whole day has been ruined! Why does she have to do this? I cannot deal with work and her drama all at the same time. I honestly feel like I am loosing my mind. If this doesn't end soon, I fear that I will be the one on meds cause I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. But what else can I do? I just need to be done with her once and for all but it really hurts because she is my mom. But I think the biggest pain of all comes from knowing that I don't really have a mom. Thanks Blog for listening!